WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT WORK SAFE, (and all of RubysDiary.com) IS INTENTED SOLELY FOR ADULTS! IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 (21 IN SOME STATES) OR ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VIEW NAKED PICTURES, EROTICA, FETISH NAUGHTINESS, ETC., THEN PLEASE LEAVE!
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There's nothing like good 'ol Texas Pride!
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( 3 / 103 )Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.
Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.
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( 2.4 / 147 )Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully, get out of the car and open the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers. To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my life like men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me.
He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! 'What's going on here?' 'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly. 'Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?' I couldn't believe that he didn't know.
So I told him, 'Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!
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( 3 / 106 )I know you don't clean your screen very often and it is hard to do the inside, so here.
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( 3 / 113 )A bit of humor to start the day.
Thought you'd get a kick out of this one..
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
! If GM ha d developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part ):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........
Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of t he road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.
I love the next one!!!
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again be cause none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off
PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!
Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!
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